“Oh, come on, it’s no big deal. They’ve got so much stuff, they’ll never miss it.”
“All right, but just this one time.”
Tim and Ryan were having their conversation in the back of a store. Tim had known Ryan only a couple of months, since the beginning of the new school year. They were both on the school football team and liked each other pretty well. After practices, they would usually walk home together, stopping at the store for a soda and snack. This time, they discovered, neither of them had any money. Now Ryan was asking Tim to stuff a bag of chips under his jacket and walk casually out of the store. He was asking Tim to shoplift.
Ryan walked out of the store first, followed by Tim. As Tim was walking out, the store manager appeared by the door. “What have you got there, sonny? Let me see.”
Tim was caught red-handed. Meanwhile, Ryan had sneaked away and was nowhere to be seen. Embarrassed and afraid, Tim waited for the police to come and take him down to the station. There an officer filled out some papers and then called Tim’s parents to come to the station to pick him up. Since he had never done anything like this before, his parents were shocked. Fortunately, the store manager decided not to press charges.
“Tim, what could make you do such a thing?” his father asked as they rode home.
Tim explained about the situation with Ryan in the store. “We’re friends. As a friend, he was asking me to do this for him. So I did,” Tim explained. “I didn’t want to be disloyal.”
“Disloyal!?” Tim’s father exclaimed in amazement. “And how loyal was Ryan to you when you got caught?”
“Not very, I guess.”
“Not at all,” corrected his father. “He betrayed you, Tim. He was using you.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Tim said sullenly.
When they got home, Tim’s father called Ryan’s father. Ryan had not told him anything about what had happened. After Tim’s father told him the whole story, Ryan’s father thanked him and hung up. Some time later, Ryan called back and wanted to talk to Tim.
“I’m real sorry for what happened, Tim.” Ryan sounded embarrassed. “It was wrong of me to do that.”
“That’s all right, Ryan.” Tim didn’t know what else to say.
“I really do want us to be friends. You were loyal to me, but I wasn’t very loyal to you. I hope the time will come when I can stand up for you and make up for what I did today.”
“Forget it, Ryan. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The next day, Ryan stood up in front of the whole team and confessed what he had done. Although it wasn’t easy for him, he got through it. When he was finished, their coach had something to say.
“I hope this serves as a lesson to all of you. Crime doesn’t pay, no matter how big or small. More than that, I hope you learn from this what true loyalty and commitment are. I want all of you to make a commitment here and now never to betray one another. If you cannot trust each other, we can never build the unity and teamwork we need to win football games. You might as well all go home right now. Understood?”
“We understand, Coach,” said Tim and Ryan in unison.
Objectives
Cognitive:Students will understand loyalty and commitment. Affective:Students will be moved by learning about commitment and be interested in learning to keep commitments and be loyal. Behavioral:Students will distinguish between blind loyalty and righteous loyalty and between the kinds of loyalty friends can and cannot expect from one another.
Discussion
Loyalty and commitment are values that often seem in short supply in today’s world. Oftentimes, people’s primary loyalty is to themselves and their own interests. In their relationships, such people end up using others for their own benefit, betraying their trust. Betrayal is the very opposite of loyalty.
What is the relationship between loyalty and commitment? We can think of commitment as making a promise to do something. It may be as small as taking out the garbage at home when we said we would, or as large as standing up and defending one’s country should it come under attack. Loyalty signifies the act of sticking to our commitments. We do not forget about them when things get difficult or simply because something else comes up that we would rather do.
In life, we come across many different examples of commitment.
An elected official usually takes an oath of office—a promise to fulfill his responsibilities as long as he remains in that position.
In the United States, students in schools throughout the country begin their day by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance—an expression of loyalty to the country. Before they begin their practice, doctors take the Hippocratic Oath—a promise to practice medicine in a way such as to help and not hurt people.
Men and women in wedding ceremonies throughout the world take some sort of marriage vow—a commitment to be faithful to and to love one another in the course of their married life.
Every contract or agreement is an expression of commitment—to fulfill employment obligations, to make payments on time, or to complete a task over a certain period of time.
Beyond formal declarations as expressed in contracts, agreements, pledges, oaths and vows, loyalty and commitment mean sticking by our family members, friends, organization, country, cause, or ideal. Loyalty and commitment are, most of all, expressions of our hearts when we care deeply about or believe strongly in something or someone. It is an act of selflessness in which we give of ourselves for something or someone beyond ourselves.
People have been known to risk or give their lives out of such loyalty and commitment. There have been people like Raoul Wallenberg, a Swedish diplomat, who saved the lives of 100,000 Hungarian Jews at the height of the Holocaust. There was Nathan Hale, the American patriot, who, when captured by the British during the American Revolution and sentenced to hang, said: “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country.”
At the same time, we must be aware of the possibility of misguided loyalty, as when people commit wrongful acts out of their commitment to an unjust cause or an unrighteous person. Thus, while Wallenberg was engaged in saving the lives of thousands of Jews, there were countless German soldiers who gave their lives loyally for the Nazi cause and who participated in the rounding up of Jews out of commitment to their national cause. In the Soviet Union, millions of people offered their personal loyalty to Josef Stalin, who sent an estimated 20 million people to Siberian concentration camps for political reasons.
Closer to home, we must be on guard against the misuse of our loyalty to our friends. Some may use our loyalty to convince us to allow them to copy our answers to test questions or to take money from our parents' wallets.
Our loyalty to others should be grounded in a higher loyalty to moral principles and our own consciences. Real friends would never ask us to violate these principles or our consciences. We have the right—and obligation—to resist the pressure from others to do what we feel is wrong.
If we understand this, we will never allow our loyalty to our friends to stand in the way of doing what is right. As we enter our teenage years, when peer pressure can be very strong, it is important to determine where our loyalties and commitments really lie.
Questions for reflection
1. What do loyalty and commitment mean?
2. What is the relationship between the two?
3. How is betrayal the opposite of loyalty?
4. Can you think of any other pledges of commitment that people make, other than the ones mentioned in the text?
5. Can you think of other examples of people who acted out of loyalty and commitment in their lives?
6. What is “misguided loyalty”?
7. What is meant by a “higher loyalty”?
8. Who or what are you loyal to?
9. What kind of commitments have you made? Have you fulfilled them? If so, how did you feel?
Exercise: “Practicing loyalty”
How would you practice loyalty in the following situations?
1. A friend wants you to disobey one of your parents’ rules.
2. One of your friends turns against another friend and starts saying bad things about him or her.
3. You see a classmate cheating on a test.
4. A friend of yours in your neighborhood hurts the feelings of your younger brother.
5. Someone teases you while you are singing a patriotic song.
Reflection exercise: “Personal commitments”
Think of what kinds of personal commitments you have made in your life. Have you been able to fulfill these commitments? Are there any you forgot about? Have you betrayed anyone to whom you have made a commitment? Upon reflection, are there any new commitments that you feel you should make?
From: Discovering the Real Me, Book 7. For book orders, click here.
Comments
Share your experiences by clicking on the "Discussion" box at the top of this page and then clicking on "+ New Post." Your comments will appear below.
Tim's story
Table of Contents
“Yeah, but I don’t like this.”
“Oh, come on, it’s no big deal. They’ve got so much stuff, they’ll never miss it.”
“All right, but just this one time.”
Tim and Ryan were having their conversation in the back of a store. Tim had known Ryan only a couple of months, since the beginning of the new school year. They were both on the school football team and liked each other pretty well. After practices, they would usually walk home together, stopping at the store for a soda and snack. This time, they discovered, neither of them had any money. Now Ryan was asking Tim to stuff a bag of chips under his jacket and walk casually out of the store. He was asking Tim to shoplift.
Ryan walked out of the store first, followed by Tim. As Tim was walking out, the store manager appeared by the door. “What have you got there, sonny? Let me see.”
Tim was caught red-handed. Meanwhile, Ryan had sneaked away and was nowhere to be seen. Embarrassed and afraid, Tim waited for the police to come and take him down to the station. There an officer filled out some papers and then called Tim’s parents to come to the station to pick him up. Since he had never done anything like this before, his parents were shocked. Fortunately, the store manager decided not to press charges.
“Tim, what could make you do such a thing?” his father asked as they rode home.
Tim explained about the situation with Ryan in the store. “We’re friends. As a friend, he was asking me to do this for him. So I did,” Tim explained. “I didn’t want to be disloyal.”
“Disloyal!?” Tim’s father exclaimed in amazement. “And how loyal was Ryan to you when you got caught?”
“Not very, I guess.”
“Not at all,” corrected his father. “He betrayed you, Tim. He was using you.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Tim said sullenly.
When they got home, Tim’s father called Ryan’s father. Ryan had not told him anything about what had happened. After Tim’s father told him the whole story, Ryan’s father thanked him and hung up. Some time later, Ryan called back and wanted to talk to Tim.
“I’m real sorry for what happened, Tim.” Ryan sounded embarrassed. “It was wrong of me to do that.”
“That’s all right, Ryan.” Tim didn’t know what else to say.
“I really do want us to be friends. You were loyal to me, but I wasn’t very loyal to you. I hope the time will come when I can stand up for you and make up for what I did today.”
“Forget it, Ryan. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The next day, Ryan stood up in front of the whole team and confessed what he had done. Although it wasn’t easy for him, he got through it. When he was finished, their coach had something to say.
“I hope this serves as a lesson to all of you. Crime doesn’t pay, no matter how big or small. More than that, I hope you learn from this what true loyalty and commitment are. I want all of you to make a commitment here and now never to betray one another. If you cannot trust each other, we can never build the unity and teamwork we need to win football games. You might as well all go home right now. Understood?”
“We understand, Coach,” said Tim and Ryan in unison.
Objectives
Cognitive: Students will understand loyalty and commitment.Affective: Students will be moved by learning about commitment and be interested in learning to keep commitments and be loyal.
Behavioral: Students will distinguish between blind loyalty and righteous loyalty and between the kinds of loyalty friends can and cannot expect from one another.
Discussion
Loyalty and commitment are values that often seem in short supply in today’s world. Oftentimes, people’s primary loyalty is to themselves and their own interests. In their relationships, such people end up using others for their own benefit, betraying their trust. Betrayal is the very opposite of loyalty.What is the relationship between loyalty and commitment? We can think of commitment as making a promise to do something. It may be as small as taking out the garbage at home when we said we would, or as large as standing up and defending one’s country should it come under attack. Loyalty signifies the act of sticking to our commitments. We do not forget about them when things get difficult or simply because something else comes up that we would rather do.
In life, we come across many different examples of commitment.
- An elected official usually takes an oath of office—a promise to fulfill his responsibilities as long as he remains in that position.
- In the United States, students in schools throughout the country begin their day by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance—an expression of loyalty to the country. Before they begin their practice, doctors take the Hippocratic Oath—a promise to practice medicine in a way such as to help and not hurt people.
- Men and women in wedding ceremonies throughout the world take some sort of marriage vow—a commitment to be faithful to and to love one another in the course of their married life.
Every contract or agreement is an expression of commitment—to fulfill employment obligations, to make payments on time, or to complete a task over a certain period of time.Beyond formal declarations as expressed in contracts, agreements, pledges, oaths and vows, loyalty and commitment mean sticking by our family members, friends, organization, country, cause, or ideal. Loyalty and commitment are, most of all, expressions of our hearts when we care deeply about or believe strongly in something or someone. It is an act of selflessness in which we give of ourselves for something or someone beyond ourselves.
People have been known to risk or give their lives out of such loyalty and commitment. There have been people like Raoul Wallenberg, a Swedish diplomat, who saved the lives of 100,000 Hungarian Jews at the height of the Holocaust. There was Nathan Hale, the American patriot, who, when captured by the British during the American Revolution and sentenced to hang, said: “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country.”
At the same time, we must be aware of the possibility of misguided loyalty, as when people commit wrongful acts out of their commitment to an unjust cause or an unrighteous person. Thus, while Wallenberg was engaged in saving the lives of thousands of Jews, there were countless German soldiers who gave their lives loyally for the Nazi cause and who participated in the rounding up of Jews out of commitment to their national cause. In the Soviet Union, millions of people offered their personal loyalty to Josef Stalin, who sent an estimated 20 million people to Siberian concentration camps for political reasons.
Closer to home, we must be on guard against the misuse of our loyalty to our friends. Some may use our loyalty to convince us to allow them to copy our answers to test questions or to take money from our parents' wallets.
Our loyalty to others should be grounded in a higher loyalty to moral principles and our own consciences. Real friends would never ask us to violate these principles or our consciences. We have the right—and obligation—to resist the pressure from others to do what we feel is wrong.
If we understand this, we will never allow our loyalty to our friends to stand in the way of doing what is right. As we enter our teenage years, when peer pressure can be very strong, it is important to determine where our loyalties and commitments really lie.
Questions for reflection
1. What do loyalty and commitment mean?
2. What is the relationship between the two?
3. How is betrayal the opposite of loyalty?
4. Can you think of any other pledges of commitment that people make, other than the ones mentioned in the text?
5. Can you think of other examples of people who acted out of loyalty and commitment in their lives?
6. What is “misguided loyalty”?
7. What is meant by a “higher loyalty”?
8. Who or what are you loyal to?
9. What kind of commitments have you made? Have you fulfilled them? If so, how did you feel?
Exercise: “Practicing loyalty”
How would you practice loyalty in the following situations?
1. A friend wants you to disobey one of your parents’ rules.
2. One of your friends turns against another friend and starts saying bad things about him or her.
3. You see a classmate cheating on a test.
4. A friend of yours in your neighborhood hurts the feelings of your younger brother.
5. Someone teases you while you are singing a patriotic song.
Reflection exercise: “Personal commitments”
Think of what kinds of personal commitments you have made in your life. Have you been able to fulfill these commitments? Are there any you forgot about? Have you betrayed anyone to whom you have made a commitment? Upon reflection, are there any new commitments that you feel you should make?
From: Discovering the Real Me, Book 7. For book orders, click here.
Comments
Share your experiences by clicking on the "Discussion" box at the top of this page and then clicking on "+ New Post." Your comments will appear below.